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Support Group Help Needed

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Dr. Mike,
My son was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago, and his pediatrician at that time recommended we try a social skills group for his “immaturity” and “impulsivity.” We did that, and our experience was horrible. The kids in the group had much bigger problems than my son and a couple of them actually had Autism and not ADHD. One child couldn’t control himself and hit my son and that was our last group with them. I think the group made things worse because my son was very self-conscious and anxious afterwards. Fast forward two years later, and my son is still socially immature and impulsive and now his fourth grade teacher is recommending a social skills group for him. Ugh! The place we went to two years ago is supposed to be the best social skills group practice in our area, so now what? Thank you for your guidance.
Concerned Parent
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Wrongfully Willed?

November 2, 2016 Ask Dr. Mike, Columns Comments Off on Wrongfully Willed?
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Dr. Mike,
I am approaching the one-year anniversary of my dad’s death, and I’m still very angry with him for how he left his remaining money to my older brother, my younger brother and me. My husband and I have two daughters and my older brother has two sons. My younger brother is single and doesn’t have any children. My father had $900,000 when he passed away, and he left my older brother $800,000, which included trust funds for my brother’s two sons’ colleges. My younger brother and me got the remaining $50,000 each.

I was assuming that my dad would just split the family’s inheritance equally. Our parents paid for our colleges, they gave my older brother and me money for our weddings, and they were pretty much always even steven with us as adults. So, imagine how shocked my younger brother and I were to learn that that because in the Will I am “wealthy” and because my younger brother doesn’t have children, my dad decided to give the majority of his inheritance to my older brother and his children to make things “fair.” … Continue Reading

Concerned Parent

October 6, 2016 Ask Dr. Mike, Columns Comments Off on Concerned Parent
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By Michael Oberschenider Psy.D.
Dr. Mike,
We recently signed our four-year-old daughter up for gymnastics. It wasn’t cheap, but her friends from the neighborhood do it, and she has been begging us to go. It turned out to be a horrible disaster. From the first lesson, she was frustrated, she couldn’t pick up the instructions, and it was a battle to get her to go every time. My husband took the hard line that our daughter had to continue because she made a commitment and because we couldn’t get our money back. I initially shared his position, but he never went to a single practice to see what I saw, and I couldn’t continue to drag my kid out of the car crying only to peel her off of me to enter a room and an activity she was miserable in for two hours a week over and over. I made the executive decision to pull our daughter, and my husband has been furious with me ever since. His unbending hard line position is that our society is all about immediate gratification these days and that commitment and perseverance means nothing to the youth of today; and that we are spoiling our kids by giving in to their every whim. What do you think?
Concerned Parent in Loudoun County
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New Book Helps Balance Children’s Screen-Time and Play Time

September 7, 2016 Ask Dr. Mike, Columns Comments Off on New Book Helps Balance Children’s Screen-Time and Play Time
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By Amanda Clark
Michael Oberschneider, a clinical psychologist and founder/director of Ashburn Psychological Psychiatric Services, has just released a book titled Ollie Outside. This book addresses the very timely and important topic of screen- and media-time management for children. Ollie Outside is a story about a boy who wants to spend time with others, but everyone around him is preoccupied with some sort of technology. Ollie is resourceful and active and loves the outdoors, so he turns his moments of upset into action to solve his problem. At the end of the book, Ollie and his family come together to learn the valuable lesson of managing technology better, and putting their relationships first. “This is a very timely and relevant message for young children to hear in today’s technology-focused society,” says Oberschneider. … Continue Reading

Pokémon GO: A Fun New Gaming App or an Accidental Treatment?

July 20, 2016 Ask Dr. Mike, Columns Comments Off on Pokémon GO: A Fun New Gaming App or an Accidental Treatment?
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Penicillin was accidently discovered in 1928 when scientist Alexander Fleming returned to his lab from vacation to notice that a strange fungus growing on a culture had killed off the neighboring bacteria. After WWII, psychiatrist and researcher, Dr. John Cade, also accidently discovered the extremely positive affects of lithium for mood disturbances that revolutionized the treatment for what we now know as Bipolar Disorder. Some of the other amazing medical discoveries that were found by accident include, Nitrous Oxide, the Pap Smear, the Pace Maker and even Viagra. … Continue Reading

Unmotivated Teen

July 6, 2016 Ask Dr. Mike, Columns Comments Off on Unmotivated Teen
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– By Michael Oberschneider, Psy.D.

Dr. Mike,
At our insistence, our 17-year-old son is going to get a summer job. Well, that’s what he agreed to, but we are two weeks into the summer and guess what … he doesn’t have a job yet. He’s applied to two places online (so he says) but no phone calls, no interviews and no job yet! Any advice on how to motivate a mopey teen that just wants to play video games and hang out all summer?
-Concerned Parent

Dear Concerned Parent:
While you “agreed” for your son to get a job this summer, finding a job doesn’t seem to be a priority for him. I recommend that you sit down with him for a talk on the topic. First, be proactive and positive in your message; sharing with him that a job will put money in his pocket, will give him a sense of purpose and accomplishment, and will increase his social skills and independence, is a lot better than negatively telling him to get out of the house and get to work.

Second, your son needs to find a job because the job isn’t going to find him, so I think you need to manage things more as parents. Yes, he can keep applying to larger companies online and wait, and wait and wait. Or, he can go on foot to fill out applications. The Ashburn Patch posted that it had 20 part-time jobs in Ashburn last week alone, and there are many help wanted signs hanging up in storefronts and restaurants throughout Loudoun County.

Why don’t you make getting a job a positive parent-child moment where you drive around together to hunt out help wanted signs in nearby shopping centers; you could go fill out a bunch of applications and have lunch together. And keep in mind, the more applications your son fills out, the sooner he will be hired. Wishing you both a fun a productive summer.

Dr. Mike,
Our 4-year-old daughter can’t get enough of her princess costumes and fancy dresses, and she wants to wear them everywhere. From summer camp, to birthday parties and to bed, she wants to be Belle, or Anna or Elsa, or Snow White or Rapunzel or Sophia the First, etc. It’s not a big deal most of the time, but sometimes it’s not appropriate, like when she ruined one of her favorite costumes on the playground last week. Every time my husband or I try to redirect her or explain why she can’t wear her costumes or dress up at certain times, she has humungous temper tantrums. Everything is princess and all of the time. Any thoughts on how to turn a princess back into a normal little girl?
-Concerned Parent

Concerned Parent,
Actually, at 4 years of age, your daughter’s desire to be a princess is very normal, but I understand your frustration. Setting limits with children isn’t always an easy thing to do, especially when a child is very passionate about something and “no” is hard to accept. Perhaps you could start by agreeing with your daughter on the types of places where it’s “okay” for her to celebrate her princess self and places where it’s “not okay.” For the places where it’s not okay, I recommend coming up with an action plan. For instance, your daughter and you could agree to have a costume or two on hand, and she could dress up either before or after a “not okay” event or activity. Planning ahead of time and getting your daughter involved and excited should help (e.g., you could help her pick out her costume and fold it nicely to keep in the trunk of the car if you are going somewhere). You could also come up with princess alternatives with your daughter where she could take her Barbie or a doll or a princess storybook in tow. She could also watch a downloaded princess movie or movie clips on an iPad or phone when it isn’t possible for her to dress up.

As frustrating as your princess conflicts can be at times with your daughter, take comfort in knowing that this is a phase that will pass. And remember to enjoy this precious time with your daughter because these sorts of moments go by fast.

Michael Oberschneider “Dr. Mike” is the founder and director of Ashburn Psychological and Psychiatric Services. He has been featured on Good Morning America, CNN and other popular media spots as a mental health expert. He has received the Washingtonian Magazine “Top Therapist” honor for his work with children and teens. Go to AshburnPsych.com or call 703 723-2999.

Living in Debt

June 1, 2016 Ask Dr. Mike, Columns Comments Off on Living in Debt
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Dr. Mike,
My husband has issues with money that are hurting our relationship and family. He makes a lot of money, but he spends more than he makes and we are in debt. He can’t just have a luxury car, oh no, he has to have the newest and nicest one in the neighborhood. He can’t just have any old golf club membership, he has to have the most expensive one that oh, by the way he only goes to about 10 times a year. His bonus last year was his highest of all time but he spent it before the check even cleared the bank. We have no savings to our name, tons of credit card debt and spoiled kids, but every time I bring our finances up to him he tells me that he “works hard” or he “deserves it” or “chill out” and I “worry too much.” I love him to death but can’t keep living like this. Got a few ideas for us?
Concerned in Loudoun
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Concerned Parent

April 6, 2016 Ask Dr. Mike, Columns Comments Off on Concerned Parent
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By Michael Oberschneider, Psy.D.

Dr. Mike,
We are concerned about some habits our nine year old son demonstrates and would love some advice from you.  We are unsure whether it’s anxiety, nervousness, or just nervous/an excess of energy.  A few years ago he began biting his fingernails and does that very frequently now.  Along with that habit he seems to pick up other tics that he’ll demonstrate for a few weeks and then they’ll dissipate which will be followed by another one a few weeks/months later.  Some of these tics have been scrunching up his eyes/face and tapping his hands onto his legs.  My husband and I try not to draw attention to them as we don’t want him to feel badly about something he can’t seem to help but we are unsure how to help him.  Thanks for any advice and suggestions you might have.  
A concerned parent
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Am I an Enabler?

March 2, 2016 Ask Dr. Mike, Columns Comments Off on Am I an Enabler?
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Dr. Mike,
My husband thinks that I’m harming our son for life because of the way I parent. Our son is 12 years old and he was diagnosed with ADHD in the 1st grade. My husband calls me “the enabler” because I admittedly double or triple check things for our son, give him constant reminders, and stay up late with him to get homework and projects done. My husband’s approach to parenting our son is to leave him alone to fail. My husband’s favorite line to me these days is “how will he ever learn how to do things for himself if you are always doing everything for him?” Our son isn’t doing great at school these days already so I cannot agree to the hard knocks approach to parenting my husband believes in so much. Can you give me some advice on how to get through to my husband that being hands-on is a must when parenting a child with ADHD? Your input is appreciated.
Concerned Parent
… Continue Reading

Snowmageddon III?  Seven Survival Tips for Parents

February 3, 2016 Ask Dr. Mike, Columns Comments Off on Snowmageddon III?  Seven Survival Tips for Parents
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By Michael Oberschneider, Psy.D.
“snOMG,” “snowmageddon,” “snowpocalypse,” and “kaisersnoze” are a few terms to describe what just happened in Northern Virginia. The storm was reported to be the second worst storm on record. And while many children and teens gladly anticipate more snow days, there is a sense of reservation for many parents that it’s over and their children will be returing to school on Monday. … Continue Reading

The Scorpion, the Frog, and You!

January 7, 2016 Ask Dr. Mike, Columns Comments Off on The Scorpion, the Frog, and You!
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By Michael Oberschneider, Psy.D.

A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, “How do I know you won’t sting me?” The scorpion says, “Because if I do, I will die too.”

The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp “Why?”

Replies the scorpion: “It’s my nature …” … Continue Reading

How To Talk about ISIS and Terrorism with Your Children

December 2, 2015 Ask Dr. Mike, Columns Comments Off on How To Talk about ISIS and Terrorism with Your Children
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By Michael Oberschneider, Psy.D.

The recent terrorist attacks in Paris have shaken the hearts and heads of many around the world. And since the Paris attacks, upsetting event after upsetting event has occurred, compounding the effect on our collective psyche as a nation. And while we are all upset by what his happening right now, our children as a group are the most at risk emotionally as a group.

As a child psychologist, I have been dealing with the emotional impact of terrorism this past week with a number of my child and teen patients. While I am perforce in the role of treating children with emotional and behavioral struggles, there are times when larger societal issues can enter the therapy space – and this is one of those times. Many of my child and teen clients have broached the topic of terrorism with me and with a heightened sense of anxiety. … Continue Reading

Some Thoughts on Veterans Day

November 13, 2015 Ask Dr. Mike, Columns Comments Off on Some Thoughts on Veterans Day
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By Michael Oberschneider, Psy.D.

Veterans Day is a time to honor those who have served in the U.S. Armed Forces, and it is also a time to reflect and remember with gratitude. America is a free and democratic nation today, and we as civilians are able to enjoy all that comes with freedom and democracy, in large part because of the courage, strength, and dedication of our service men and service women. Veterans Day, in my opinion, is also a time to remember our humanity; to be compassionate and to give to those who need our compassion and benevolence most – our wounded warriors. … Continue Reading


 

 

 

 

 

Columns

The Grim Reaper and the Great Barrier

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(to be presented to the Board of Supervisors in January) “The recent frequency and intensity of mass coral bleaching are of major concern, and are directly attributable to rising atmospheric greenhouse gases.” [1]

Pearl Harbor

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By Nicholas Reid Seventy-five years ago this December 7, to quote President Franklin D. Roosevelt, “the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.” It will have been 75 …

Early Returns: How U.S. Markets Reacted to the Presidential Election

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On November 8, 2016, Republican candidate Donald J. Trump won a closely contested election for president of the United States. Late on election night, when it became evident that Trump was likely to win, despite consistently trailing in the polls, …

America: Worthy of Our Trust

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By Samuel Moore-Sobel My friend and I sit in a bar near our office. He is upset, bags under his eyes due to lack of sleep. Thursday, our weekly night to meet is usually a happy hour filled with intellectual …

South Riding

South Riding

I should have known that this one would take me far from my contemplative, Zen-inspired comfort zone; after I’d traversed more construction projects than I wanted to tally, competed with hurried, coffee-driven commuters with no time for mere existence, and …

Support Group Help Needed

drmikenewpic

Dr. Mike, My son was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago, and his pediatrician at that time recommended we try a social skills group for his “immaturity” and “impulsivity.” We did that, and our experience was horrible. The kids in …

The State of Corals

Figure 3 close up view of healthy coral polyps. [9]

(Presented to the Board of Supervisors December 6, 2016) “Events as severe as the 1998 event, the worst on record, are likely to become commonplace within 20 years.” – Ove Hoegh-Guldberg, 1999 [4] Tony Noerpel

Student News

Congratulations, Class of 2016

6 Jul 2016

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Woodgrove High School’s Class Of 2016 Graduation – By Amanda Clark On June 16, Woodgrove’s Class of 2016 was the 5th graduating class to walk the stage and accept their diploma. The ceremony was filled with anticipation as the chorus, …

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Buckland Earns Degree In Medicine

6 Jul 2016

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Molly Buckland, D.O., graduated from the West Virginia School of Osteopathic Medicine with a degree of Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine on May 28. While at WVSOM, Dr. Buckland received the Dr. Roland P. Sharp President’s Award and the James R. …

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Adams Promoted To Lieutenant

6 Jul 2016

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Lt. James Adams, from Sterling and a Potomac Falls Halls Graduate, earned the promotion to the rank of Lieutenant. Adams is a Navy Week and Executive Outreach Planner for the Navy Office of Community Outreach in Millington, Tennessee. U.S. Navy …

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Calendar

December 2016
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday
November 28, 2016 November 29, 2016 November 30, 2016 December 1, 2016 December 2, 2016 December 3, 2016

Holiday Open House

Notaviva Vineyards - Bluegrass Jam - FREE event

December 4, 2016

Holiday Open House

December 5, 2016 December 6, 2016 December 7, 2016 December 8, 2016 December 9, 2016

Christmas Market and Trolley Tours

December 10, 2016

Holiday Open House

13th Annual Purcellville Christmas Parade

Barrel Tasting Event Saturday

December 11, 2016

Christmas Market and Trolley Tours

December 12, 2016 December 13, 2016 December 14, 2016 December 15, 2016 December 16, 2016 December 17, 2016

Intro to Essential Oils

December 18, 2016
December 19, 2016 December 20, 2016 December 21, 2016 December 22, 2016 December 23, 2016 December 24, 2016 December 25, 2016
December 26, 2016 December 27, 2016 December 28, 2016 December 29, 2016 December 30, 2016 December 31, 2016

Family New Year’s Eve Celebration

January 1, 2017

New Year's Day Musikabend

Restore & Renew

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Lifestyle

Farm Bureau President Hopes for Immigration Reform

5 Dec 2016

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Virginia Farm Bureau President Wayne F. Pryor told county delegates at the organization’s annual convention in Hot Springs that immigration reform “is an issue that has been delayed too long.” He noted that: “Work will begin on the 2018 Farm Bill next year. This is the most complex federal legislation farmers face, and it typically takes at least two years …

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Northern Virginia Chamber To Host Congressional Roundtable

5 Dec 2016

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The Northern Virginia Chamber will host its annual Congressional Roundtable on Monday, December 12, from 3:00 to 5:00 p.m. at the Northern Virginia Chamber in Tysons (7900 Westpark Drive, Suite A550). The dialogue will cover several issues at the intersection of federal policy and business – federal spending, energy, trade policy, the sequestration and the effect on Northern Virginia, transportation, …

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Ugly Christmas Sweater Fad Keeps Growing

30 Nov 2016

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Since 2012, the Re-Love It consignment shop, at 138 N. 21st Street in Purcellville, has developed the reputation as the place to get your Ugly Christmas Sweater in the Metro D.C. area. In that time, Re-Love It has sold more than 3,000 vintage Ugly Christmas Sweaters.

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Editorial

Grief and Greed

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By Matthew Parse What would drive a single individual to cause so much emotional stress and financial burden on hundreds, if not, thousands of families? What would drive the Town …

Op-ed

Opinion: Terrorism, Debt, and China: Oh My!

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– By Nick Reid world can be a very dangerous place sometimes, especially for a nation state such as the United States. Although danger is always present, the number and …

Metro Money Mess Pushing West

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– By Delegate Dave LaRock (R-33rd) A local paper recently quoted Loudoun Board Chair Phyllis Randall as saying that in her observation “some of the concerns raised by the people …

Dear Editor

Vote No To the Minor Special Exception

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We are a group of Loudoun County citizens who will be adversely affected if the board grants a special exception for the Catesby Farm property at your upcoming meeting. You …

It’s Our Right

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On December 6, the Board of Supervisors is scheduled to vote on a “Minor Special Exception” proposal we submitted earlier this year concerning our Catesby Farm property. Unfortunately, our limited …

View From the Ridge

Broken Promises, Hidden by a Six-Foot Berm

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By Andrea Gaines On August 9, 1825 at the age of 69, French military officer the Marquis de Lafayette was honored in Leesburg by former President James Monroe. The French-born …

Around Virginia

Warner Introduces Bill To Help Wells Fargo Victims Get Their Day in Court

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U.S. Sen. Mark R. Warner (D-VA), a member of the Senate Banking Committee, introduced legislation to give Wells Fargo customers who were victims of a fraudulent account scheme their day in court. The bank was involved in a scandal this year after it was revealed that Wells Fargo employees secretly …

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History’s Holy Places: Four Local Sites Worth Exploring This Fall

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The Journey through Hallowed Ground is a 180-mile long, 75-mile wide trek from Gettysburg to Monticello, encompassing nine presidential homes and places, 18 national and state parks, and thousands of small and large historical sites. Dozens and dozens of these sites and related museums are short ride from just about …

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Land Trust Receives Large Donation

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On August 22, The Land Trust of Virginia received a $10,000 gift from the Sharon D. Virts Foundation, based in Herndon. The presentation of this grant was part of the Foundation’s official launch event, held at Selma Plantation in Leesburg. Notable speakers included Sharon D. Virts, FCiFederal Founder and Chair, …

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Sports

Accepting Applications for Sports League Funding

30 Nov 2016

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Purcellville is accepting applications from local organizations for its annual sports league funding program. Organizations must serve the Town of Purcellville area, have citizens of the Town of Purcellville as players, and provide a letter to the Town from the IRS confirming the organization’s tax exempt status in order to …

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Woodgrove High Student Will Pursue Track and Field at George Mason

30 Nov 2016

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Puneet Kaur of Woodgrove High School has signed a National Letter of Intent to continue her track and field career at George Mason University. Kaur has held the school record in shot put since her sophomore year and is looking to throw shotput, hammer, discus and maybe even the javelin …

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