Home » Ask Dr. Mike »Columns » Currently Reading:

Needs Help Curbing Husband’s Comments

February 4, 2013 by Blue Ridge Leader filed under Ask Dr. Mike, Columns No Comments
Michael_Pic

Dr. Mike, I really enjoyed your interview with CNN reporter Moni Basu last week. I think your views on President Obama and Congress were very balanced and respectful. I am writing because I could use your help. My husband and I voted for Mitt Romney, and while I have moved on to accept Mr. Obama as my president, my husband remains bitter. He refers to Mr. Obama as “Captain Clueless,” “Obamanation,” “The Socialist,” etc. I am concerned since our 10-year-old son is now repeating some of those derogatory nicknames, and to my embarrassment, in public. I’ve told my husband that he needs to curtail his negative, political statements around the kids, but he is adamant in his position that our current president is not good for his country, and it’s “good” for the kids to believe that. Help. – R in Loudoun County

R, Thank you for the kind words on my interview. Based on what you have written, I do not think you can challenge your husband directly on his behavior since he is so passionate about what he believes in. Instead, I think you could tell him that, while he may feel he is right in his position, his statements are upsetting to you. Let him know that there is nothing wrong with his having certain political views; however, he is a father to a young boy who is very impressionable. At age 10, children begin to identify strongly with their same-sex parents, and they internalize the messages they hear – positive or negative. Not surprisingly, your son is now repeating what he is hearing from his father because, in large part, he likely looks up to, respects and wants to be like his father. Rather than resort to name calling and insults regarding Mr. Obama or Democrats for that matter, why not ask your husband to express his thoughts on the topic more constructively with his boy. A good starting point could be for your husband to teach his son about the two major political parties. Age appropriately, he could discuss the main points of the Constitution or the Declaration of Independence, or he could take a trip down to DC with his son to teach him about our nation’s political history by visiting the monuments. Your husband could even discuss why he voted for Mitt Romney and his concerns for our current president.

Dr. Mike, I was shocked to find my husband’s friend’s wife, who is seven months pregnant, smoking cigarettes on our deck at a party we recently hosted at our home. She actually smoked several cigarettes throughout the course of the evening, and it was very upsetting to me. How can someone be so irresponsible and reckless? While my husband agrees with, me he is loyal to his friendship, and he told me that I had “to get over it” because she is the wife of his friend, and I am occasionally be expected to do things as a couple with them. I refuse to continue to spend time with someone that I have absolutely no respect for, which is where I am with this as woman and mother. We, of course, are in a huge fight. What are your thoughts? – T in Loudoun County

T, Smoking while pregnant, with what we know about the effects of smoking on prenatal development, I agree, is simply unacceptable. Nicotine addiction, however, is one of the most difficult addictions to overcome. Beyond the poor choice to smoke while pregnant, I think you are also bothered as much as you are by this person’s behavior because she is doing it openly in public with no hesitation or explanation. Not knowing anything more about your husband’s friend’s wife’s background or decision to continue to smoke, I think you should temper your strong position. It also does not seem that your husband is asking you to become best friends with his friend’s wife, so I think you need to adopt a more tolerant approach to the situation. I think you should ask your husband to give you some time and to not plan anything social with these friends for a while given your upset. Why not plan a visit with them after the baby is born. Maybe this woman who has offended you so much with her smoking, will surprise you later and turn out to be a good mom in other ways.

Dr. Mike, My husband and I are getting divorced, and we have not yet spoken to our children. We’ve begun the legal separation process and have started to discuss how we both want things to work out for us as a family, including the topic of a visitation schedule. My attorney suggested what he called “the 2-2-5-5 approach” for our visitation schedule, which he said is quite common. I looked into it on-line though, and it seems like way too much back and forth for our boys. My friend used you as their custody evaluator awhile back, and she was pleased with your recommendations for custody and visitation. I thought maybe you could give me some advice here. Our boys are 12 and 14. – U in Loudoun County

U, There really is not a one-size-fits-all approach to visitation or custody, but I can give you some general considerations. First, your attorney is correct that the 2-2-5-5 approach is a common visitation schedule for divorced couples with children. For the 2-2-5-5 schedule, one parent would have the children for two days, the other parent would then have the children for the next two days, then the first parent would have the children for 5 days, and then the second parent would have the children for the next five days, and that pattern would continue forward. The schedule can work very well with younger children. Your children are older, and, as you wrote, the suggested 2-2-5-5 schedule may be too much back and forth for them. Again, every family is unique, and several factors need to be considered in making sure the visitation schedule you eventually put in place fits your children’s needs and your needs as parents and as a divorced family. I recommend that you and your husband meet with a mental health professional trained in your area of need.

Comment on this article


By commenting, you agree to abide by our Terms of Service.


 

 

 

 

 

Columns

Pearl Harbor

flag

By Nicholas Reid Seventy-five years ago this December 7, to quote President Franklin D. Roosevelt, “the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.” It will have been 75 …

Early Returns: How U.S. Markets Reacted to the Presidential Election

Smith0035

On November 8, 2016, Republican candidate Donald J. Trump won a closely contested election for president of the United States. Late on election night, when it became evident that Trump was likely to win, despite consistently trailing in the polls, …

America: Worthy of Our Trust

moore-sobelnewmug

By Samuel Moore-Sobel My friend and I sit in a bar near our office. He is upset, bags under his eyes due to lack of sleep. Thursday, our weekly night to meet is usually a happy hour filled with intellectual …

South Riding

South Riding

I should have known that this one would take me far from my contemplative, Zen-inspired comfort zone; after I’d traversed more construction projects than I wanted to tally, competed with hurried, coffee-driven commuters with no time for mere existence, and …

Support Group Help Needed

drmikenewpic

Dr. Mike, My son was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago, and his pediatrician at that time recommended we try a social skills group for his “immaturity” and “impulsivity.” We did that, and our experience was horrible. The kids in …

The State of Corals

Figure 3 close up view of healthy coral polyps. [9]

(Presented to the Board of Supervisors December 6, 2016) “Events as severe as the 1998 event, the worst on record, are likely to become commonplace within 20 years.” – Ove Hoegh-Guldberg, 1999 [4] Tony Noerpel

Reply to Nicholas Reid – What is Science

noerpel_new

“The word “cult” has always been controversial because it is (in a pejorative sense) considered a subjective term, used as an ad hominem attack against groups with differing doctrines or practices, which lacks a clear or consistent definition.” “[Dogma] is …

Student News

Congratulations, Class of 2016

6 Jul 2016

grads_woodgrove

Woodgrove High School’s Class Of 2016 Graduation – By Amanda Clark On June 16, Woodgrove’s Class of 2016 was the 5th graduating class to walk the stage and accept their diploma. The ceremony was filled with anticipation as the chorus, …

(Be the first to comment)

Buckland Earns Degree In Medicine

6 Jul 2016

buckland

Molly Buckland, D.O., graduated from the West Virginia School of Osteopathic Medicine with a degree of Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine on May 28. While at WVSOM, Dr. Buckland received the Dr. Roland P. Sharp President’s Award and the James R. …

(Be the first to comment)

Adams Promoted To Lieutenant

6 Jul 2016

adamspromoted

Lt. James Adams, from Sterling and a Potomac Falls Halls Graduate, earned the promotion to the rank of Lieutenant. Adams is a Navy Week and Executive Outreach Planner for the Navy Office of Community Outreach in Millington, Tennessee. U.S. Navy …

(Be the first to comment)

Calendar

December 2016
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday
November 28, 2016 November 29, 2016 November 30, 2016 December 1, 2016 December 2, 2016 December 3, 2016

Holiday Open House

Notaviva Vineyards - Bluegrass Jam - FREE event

December 4, 2016

Holiday Open House

December 5, 2016 December 6, 2016 December 7, 2016 December 8, 2016 December 9, 2016 December 10, 2016

Barrel Tasting Event Saturday

December 11, 2016

Barrel Tasting Event Sunday

December 12, 2016 December 13, 2016 December 14, 2016 December 15, 2016 December 16, 2016 December 17, 2016 December 18, 2016
December 19, 2016 December 20, 2016 December 21, 2016 December 22, 2016 December 23, 2016 December 24, 2016 December 25, 2016
December 26, 2016 December 27, 2016 December 28, 2016 December 29, 2016 December 30, 2016 December 31, 2016

Family New Year’s Eve Celebration

January 1, 2017
Current Print Issue:
Sign up for our email newsletter:

Recent Comments

Steady and NoBull

Lifestyle

Ugly Christmas Sweater Fad Keeps Growing

30 Nov 2016

uglysweater

Since 2012, the Re-Love It consignment shop, at 138 N. 21st Street in Purcellville, has developed the reputation as the place to get your Ugly Christmas Sweater in the Metro D.C. area. In that time, Re-Love It has sold more than 3,000 vintage Ugly Christmas Sweaters.

(Be the first to comment)

‘The Giver’ Comes To Franklin Park Arts Center

30 Nov 2016

FranklinParkLog2014web(2)

Geronimo Production Company’s Premier Show Geronimo Production Company is bringing another sort of Christmas play to Loudoun County. The Giver, based on Lois Lowry’s YA dystopian classic, will be premiering at Franklin Park Arts Center on December 8-11. “This show is perfect for Christmastime,” director Keaghan Wier said. “It focuses on displaying the value of family, love, and joy…. These …

(Be the first to comment)

What Is Special To You about the Holidays?

30 Nov 2016

henrycarlson

By Amanda Clark Henry Carlson – Purcellville “For me, the holidays are about celebrating the connection you’ve got with your kin, listening to 50’s music, and staying warm!”

(Be the first to comment)

Editorial

Grief and Greed

blueridge2

By Matthew Parse What would drive a single individual to cause so much emotional stress and financial burden on hundreds, if not, thousands of families? What would drive the Town …

Op-ed

Opinion: Terrorism, Debt, and China: Oh My!

blueridge2.jpg

– By Nick Reid world can be a very dangerous place sometimes, especially for a nation state such as the United States. Although danger is always present, the number and …

Metro Money Mess Pushing West

blueridge2.jpg

– By Delegate Dave LaRock (R-33rd) A local paper recently quoted Loudoun Board Chair Phyllis Randall as saying that in her observation “some of the concerns raised by the people …

Dear Editor

Vote No To the Minor Special Exception

catesbyproposal

We are a group of Loudoun County citizens who will be adversely affected if the board grants a special exception for the Catesby Farm property at your upcoming meeting. You …

It’s Our Right

catesbyproposal

On December 6, the Board of Supervisors is scheduled to vote on a “Minor Special Exception” proposal we submitted earlier this year concerning our Catesby Farm property. Unfortunately, our limited …

View From the Ridge

Broken Promises, Hidden by a Six-Foot Berm

blueridge2

By Andrea Gaines On August 9, 1825 at the age of 69, French military officer the Marquis de Lafayette was honored in Leesburg by former President James Monroe. The French-born …

Around Virginia

History’s Holy Places: Four Local Sites Worth Exploring This Fall

outandaboutloudoun

The Journey through Hallowed Ground is a 180-mile long, 75-mile wide trek from Gettysburg to Monticello, encompassing nine presidential homes and places, 18 national and state parks, and thousands of small and large historical sites. Dozens and dozens of these sites and related museums are short ride from just about …

(Be the first to comment)

Land Trust Receives Large Donation

land trust

On August 22, The Land Trust of Virginia received a $10,000 gift from the Sharon D. Virts Foundation, based in Herndon. The presentation of this grant was part of the Foundation’s official launch event, held at Selma Plantation in Leesburg. Notable speakers included Sharon D. Virts, FCiFederal Founder and Chair, …

(Be the first to comment)

Farmers Urged To Be On The Lookout For Marijuana

marijuana

Farmers in Southwest Virginia are being urged to check their property for marijuana planted by trespassers. Within the past year, hundreds of marijuana plants have been discovered between rows of hay bales on farms in and around Pulaski County, according to the Claytor Lake Regional Drug Task Force. “Unfortunately this …

(Be the first to comment)

Sports

Accepting Applications for Sports League Funding

30 Nov 2016

basketball

Purcellville is accepting applications from local organizations for its annual sports league funding program. Organizations must serve the Town of Purcellville area, have citizens of the Town of Purcellville as players, and provide a letter to the Town from the IRS confirming the organization’s tax exempt status in order to …

(Be the first to comment)

Woodgrove High Student Will Pursue Track and Field at George Mason

30 Nov 2016

woodgrove

Puneet Kaur of Woodgrove High School has signed a National Letter of Intent to continue her track and field career at George Mason University. Kaur has held the school record in shot put since her sophomore year and is looking to throw shotput, hammer, discus and maybe even the javelin …

(Be the first to comment)

Archives

  • +2016
  • +2015
  • +2014
  • +2013
  • +2012
  • +2011
  • +2010
  • +2009