Home » Ask Dr. Mike »Columns »Uncategorized » Currently Reading:

Ask Dr. Mike – July 2011

June 27, 2011 by Blue Ridge Leader filed under Ask Dr. Mike, Columns, Uncategorized No Comments
Michael_Pic

Dr. Mike,

My neighbor’s child and my child play together practically all the time. Recently my neighbor’s daughter had her 9th birthday party and didn’t invite my child, who is a grade younger. My daughter found out later at school that many of their mutual friends in the neighborhood were invited, which was hurtful to both my daughter and me. It’s been a couple of weeks now since the party, but my daughter and I are still upset by what happened. Any advice for a concerned mother bear?

D in Loudoun County

D,

A mother bear must always watch out for her cub, however, there is a fine line between being protective and being overprotective. While I understand your initial upset and your concern for your daughter, I think you are making things worse for her by maintaining a position of being wronged. There really is no way to determine why your daughter wasn’t invited to the party without asking your neighbor that question directly. Of course, if you were to ask, you would run the risk of making your neighbor (and perhaps her daughter) feel uncomfortable, or in turn, become upset with you. I think you should keep in mind that your daughter is going to get hurt in life, and she is also going to be disappointed by the actions of others. In thinking about your situation this way, you can begin to help your daughter better accept what happened and move on. You, as the parent, need to model a positive, accepting and forgiving attitude so that your daughter can do the same.

Dr. Mike,

I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer (stage 1), and I will be starting treatment shortly. I don’t have any symptoms, and my doctor told me I was lucky to catch it early. My 11 year old son will be going to an away camp for two weeks and is leaving right before I start treatment. I wasn’t planning on telling my son about my cancer diagnosis or treatment regime until after he returned from camp. He’s so happy to be heading off to camp, and I didn’t want him to worry about me or be upset while he’s gone. My husband feels our son should know now and that he will only be more upset later when he learns that we lied to him and sent him off. Any advice you have would be helpful.

J in Loudoun County

J,

First of all, I’m glad you and your doctor caught your cancer early, as the prognosis for stage 1 breast cancer is very positive with treatment. As far as your son goes, I see your husband’s point, but I don’t agree with him that delaying the news is quite the same thing as lying. I don’t see what good would come of telling your son of your cancer before he departs for camp since there’s really nothing he can do whether he knows or not. In fact, telling him the bad news before he goes could potentially make things harder for all involved. In my opinion, you need to focus your energy on getting better, and you can do a lot toward that goal in two weeks of treatment. As you note, your son is a happy boy who’s looking forward to having fun at camp. I’d let him have that experience, and you and your husband can support him with your news upon his return. If your son becomes upset with you as your husband is predicting, you should let him know how treatable stage 1 cancer is and that you didn’t want to worry him about something that you and your husband and doctor had under control. You could even add that you certainly would’ve told him sooner if it were more serious. Sometimes as parents exercising tact and timing with bad news and our children is better than full disclosure all at once.

Dr. Mike,

We are only a few days into Summer vacation and all our two boys want to do is watch TV and play video games. It was much easier balancing screen time when they were in school because they were active and busy during the day. My husband and I both work, and we can’t really monitor them the way we’d like. As teenagers, they feel that we should just leave them alone and that we are just “nagging” them. Any advice would be appreciated.

G and R in Loudoun County

G and R,

Television and video games are not all bad, but like most things in life, the excessive amount is really the issue. It seems like the lack of a game plan for how your boys will spend their time over the Summer is really the issue. They may be watching TV and gaming as much as they are out of boredom. I think the first thing you should do is sit down with your boys to discuss realistic educational, social and physical goals. Expecting them to read, spend time with friends outside of the home or play a sport shouldn’t be too much to ask of them over the Summer break. Hey, maybe they could even do some chores or get some Summer jobs! To break the habit of too much screen time you should also lead by example and think about how you may have contributed to their bad habit in the first place. How many TV sets do you have in the house? Is TV on during meals? Is TV or gaming part of the background noise of your family life? Do you demonstrate by your own viewing that television should be watched in moderation? Perhaps you might want to make some changes here. In the end, if all else fails, there are now programs available for parents who wish to manage their child or teen’s screen activity. A good site to visit to learn more about these programs is: GetParentalControls.org.

Dr. Mike,

My neighbor recently added front fencing to connect to my fence and the fence of his neighbor on the opposite side of his home. My neighbor now has a fully fenced in yard by capitalizing on the fences of his two side neighbors, as well as the neighbor who’s home backs-up to his. Needless to say, my husband and I spent a lot of money for our fence, and we are very upset by what has happened. We haven’t spoken to anyone about this, but we feel strongly that what has happened is unfair. My husband thinks we should rally our neighbors for a confrontation. What do you think?

K in Loudoun County

K,

There’s an old saying that one’s perception is one’s reality. So, while you may feel taken advantage of by your neighbor, your neighbor likely feels that he was wise in his actions. Sure, you could confront your neighbor directly. I suppose you could ask your neighbor to pay you something for benefiting from the use of your fence, but it just seems that you missed your window and should have asked him about it at the time of installing your fence. Keep in mind that anything you do here will likely have a lasting impact on everyone involved since you’re neighbors and may be for many years to come. The best advice I could give you would be to let it go and to move on. In the end, I think your relationship with your neighbor is more important than being right, and I just don’t see how your neighbor did anything wrong.

Dr. Michael Oberschneider “Dr. Mike” is the Founder and Director of Ashburn Psychological Services (APS), a private mental health clinic comprised of 12 MD and PhD level mental health clinicians. He and his team are here to serve our Loudoun children, teens and adults. To learn more about Dr. Mike and the APS team, visit: www.ashburnpsych.com or 703-723-2999.

Comment on this article


By commenting, you agree to abide by our Terms of Service.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Columns

A Look Into What Is Learned in High School English

Lunde new

By Mary Rose Lunde English is the arguably the most important subject for a student in high school to learn. The most successful people in the world have one thing in common — being able to communicate effectively. This is …

Remembering Nancy Reagan

moore-sobelnewmug

By Samuel Moore-Sobel The passing of Nancy Reagan, a former First Lady who completely transformed the role and helped catapult her husband to greatness, marked the end of an era. Her death also happened to coincide with a turning point …

How To “File and Suspend” Before It Is Too Late

Smith0035

With the recent changes to Social Security rules, filing and suspending will soon be phased out, but there’s still time to take advantage of the strategy. Here’s a quick guide to maneuvering this rule while it still lasts, but as …

Concerned Parent

Michael_Pic

By Michael Oberschneider, Psy.D. Dr. Mike, We are concerned about some habits our nine year old son demonstrates and would love some advice from you.  We are unsure whether it’s anxiety, nervousness, or just nervous/an excess of energy.  A few …

Temple Hall Farm

timjon

I only met the late AV (Val) Symington once; it was a Sunday evening in my first year or two at Wage Radio (this would be the late ‘90’s) and I was putting things in order for the next morning’s …

Am I an Enabler?

Michael_Pic

Dr. Mike, My husband thinks that I’m harming our son for life because of the way I parent. Our son is 12 years old and he was diagnosed with ADHD in the 1st grade. My husband calls me “the enabler” …

Editorial

Grief and Greed

blueridge2

By Matthew Parse What would drive a single individual to cause so much emotional stress and financial burden on hundreds, if not, thousands of families? What would drive the Town …

Op-ed

Oh No, It’s the Christians!

blueridge2

By Nicholas Reid In the hours and days following every massacre perpetrated by radical Muslims, there is one unifying theme across most news coverage of the massacre, wherever it may …

Dear Editor

Campaign of Untruths

jimmerson

Elected officials have done some pretty despicable things while serving in office. They range from bribery, beating a spouse, cheating on a spouse, obstruction of justice, and various forms of …

View From the Ridge

An Open Letter to the Citizens of Purcellville

blueridge2

Mark Your Calendar, They’ve Asked for Our Input So Let’s Give It To Them By Steady and Nobull The Purcellville Planning Commission has tentatively scheduled a series of public input …

Student News

Four Scouts Achieve Eagle Scout Rank

3 Feb 2016

eaglescout

Joel Gicker, Kyle Siecker, Sam Soltis and David Watson achieved the rank of Eagle Scout at a Court of Honor conducted at Blue Ridge Bible Church in Purcellville on January 9. The four Eagles are members of Troop 711 of …

(Be the first to comment)

8th Grade Writers Honored At Blue Ridge Middle School

2 Jul 2015

blueridgemiddleschool

Sixty-seven Blue Ridge Middle School eighth graders have been honored for their writing during the 2014-2015 school year. Many students had their writing selected for publication by Creative Communication, a program for student writers, while others won county-wide writing contests. …

(Be the first to comment)

Ben Kellogg Achieves Eagle Scout

1 Jul 2015

benkellog

Benjamin Robert Kellogg achieved the rank of Eagle Scout at a Court of Honor conducted at St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church in Purcellville on March 29. Friends, family and troop leaders attended the celebration, including his parents, Robert and Deirdre Kellogg. …

(Be the first to comment)

Calendar

May 2016
M T W T F S S
25 26 27

Hamilton Town Hall

28 29

CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG at Franklin Park Arts Center

30

Lobster Day with Chef Seb at North Gate Vineyard

CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG at Franklin Park Arts Center

1

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

Spring Wine Glass Painting with Penny

2

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

3

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

4

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

5

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

6

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

TGIF @ North Gate Vineyard!

7

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

The Sprouted Spoon Food Truck at North Gate Vineyard

Nathaniel Davis Live at North Gate Vineyard

Notaviva Vineyards - Bluegrass Jam - FREE event

8

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

Celebrate Mother's Day at North Gate Vineyard!

Mother's Day Brunch at Breaux

9

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

10

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

11

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

12

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

13

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

14

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

Dog Day at Breaux Vineyards

15

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

16

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

17

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

18

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

19

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

20

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

21

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

22

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

23

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

24

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

25

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

26

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

27

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

28

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

29

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

30

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

31

Sea & Sky – an exhibit by copper artist Anne Jordan and mixed media artist Karen Watson

1 2 3 4

Notaviva Vineyards - Bluegrass Jam - FREE event

PAUL REISLER TRIO WITH LEA MORRIS AND MARSHALL KEYS

5
Current Print Issue:
Sign up for our email newsletter:

Recent Comments

Lifestyle

YMCA of Loudoun County to Hold Job Fair

30 Apr 2016

blueridge2

The YMCA is hiring summer camp Site Supervisors, Sr. Camp Counselors, Camp Counselors, and Jr. Camp Counselors who will work with children ages 5-12 in Loudoun County in our summer day camp programs. Site Supervisors will be responsible for supervising a summer camp program with 30-70 children and for planning, coordinating, and implementing all summer camp activities under the guidelines …

(Be the first to comment)

5K and 10K “Ringing in Hope” Race Slated for Memorial Day

27 Apr 2016

run

The third annual “Ringing in Hope” 5K and 10K race will be held on Memorial Day (Monday, May 30) at One Loudoun. A 1K fun run/walk will also be held. The 5K begins at 8:00 a.m., the 10K at 8:10 a.m. and the 1K at 9:30 a.m. Proceeds will benefit Boulder Crest Retreat, a retreat for America’s seriously wounded warriors …

(Be the first to comment)

Bluegrass Performers Reno and Harrell To Appear at Lucketts on April 23

15 Apr 2016

music note

The Lucketts Bluegrass Concert Series continues its 42nd season of weekly concerts at the Lucketts Community Center on Saturday, April 23 at 7:00 p.m. with a show featuring Reno and Harrell. Tickets are $15 at the door, and the doors open at 6:00 p.m. Hot dogs, barbecue sandwiches, snacks and drinks will be available at the kitchen.

(Be the first to comment)

Around Virginia

Update: Remains Located in Shenandoah National Park; Search Efforts Suspended

VSP Photo - 4-21-16 Whiteoak Canyon Trail Entrance VSP

Update: Body preliminarily identified as Nicole K. Mittendorff, 31, of Woodbridge. The physical and digital evidence collected during the course of this investigation includes a note recovered from the car leads investigators to believe there was no foul play involved in her death. ——————– Search efforts in the Shenandoah National …

(Be the first to comment)

Virginia Trooper Shot and Killed at Richmond Bus Terminal

Tpr Dermyer Patrol Car in front of VSP SPHQ

A Virginia State Police trooper has died as a result of his injuries after being shot on March 31 at the Greyhound Bus station in the 2900 block of North Boulevard in Richmond. At approximately 2:40 p.m., Virginia State Police Trooper Chad P. Dermyer approached a male subject just inside …

(Be the first to comment)

Governor McAuliffe Announces Designation of Four New Virginia Main Street Communities

McAuliffe

Governor Terry McAuliffe has announced the designation of four communities in the Virginia Main Street (VMS) program, administered by the Virginia Department of Housing and Community Development (DHCD). The newly-designated communities include the town of Wytheville, the cities of Danville and Lexington and Gloucester Courthouse in Gloucester County. The communities …

(Be the first to comment)

Sports

Western Loudon Volleyball Club “Hitmen” Team Finishes Second

3 Feb 2016

westernloudounvolleyballclub

The Western Loudon Volleyball Club U14 boys team, called the “Hitmen,” finished second in a tournament held January 17. This is the first ever boys team for the WLVBC (and only the second boys club in the area). Coach Allan Kotmel led the seven-member team. WLVBC started eight years ago, …

(Be the first to comment)

ODFC West Travel Soccer Program Shines

2 Dec 2015

ODFCsoccerpics

The Old Dominion Football Club West boys and girls middle school travel soccer program scored big the weekend of November 21 and 22.  The girls Quest Premier 22 team took home the championship in the U12 Girls Premier Division of the Hunt Country Classic located in Fauquier County. The boys …

(Be the first to comment)

Archives

  • +2016
  • +2015
  • +2014
  • +2013
  • +2012
  • +2011
  • +2010
  • +2009