Home » Ask Dr. Mike »Columns »Uncategorized » Currently Reading:

Ask Dr. Mike – July 2011

June 27, 2011 by Blue Ridge Leader filed under Ask Dr. Mike, Columns, Uncategorized No Comments
Michael_Pic

Dr. Mike,

My neighbor’s child and my child play together practically all the time. Recently my neighbor’s daughter had her 9th birthday party and didn’t invite my child, who is a grade younger. My daughter found out later at school that many of their mutual friends in the neighborhood were invited, which was hurtful to both my daughter and me. It’s been a couple of weeks now since the party, but my daughter and I are still upset by what happened. Any advice for a concerned mother bear?

D in Loudoun County

D,

A mother bear must always watch out for her cub, however, there is a fine line between being protective and being overprotective. While I understand your initial upset and your concern for your daughter, I think you are making things worse for her by maintaining a position of being wronged. There really is no way to determine why your daughter wasn’t invited to the party without asking your neighbor that question directly. Of course, if you were to ask, you would run the risk of making your neighbor (and perhaps her daughter) feel uncomfortable, or in turn, become upset with you. I think you should keep in mind that your daughter is going to get hurt in life, and she is also going to be disappointed by the actions of others. In thinking about your situation this way, you can begin to help your daughter better accept what happened and move on. You, as the parent, need to model a positive, accepting and forgiving attitude so that your daughter can do the same.

Dr. Mike,

I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer (stage 1), and I will be starting treatment shortly. I don’t have any symptoms, and my doctor told me I was lucky to catch it early. My 11 year old son will be going to an away camp for two weeks and is leaving right before I start treatment. I wasn’t planning on telling my son about my cancer diagnosis or treatment regime until after he returned from camp. He’s so happy to be heading off to camp, and I didn’t want him to worry about me or be upset while he’s gone. My husband feels our son should know now and that he will only be more upset later when he learns that we lied to him and sent him off. Any advice you have would be helpful.

J in Loudoun County

J,

First of all, I’m glad you and your doctor caught your cancer early, as the prognosis for stage 1 breast cancer is very positive with treatment. As far as your son goes, I see your husband’s point, but I don’t agree with him that delaying the news is quite the same thing as lying. I don’t see what good would come of telling your son of your cancer before he departs for camp since there’s really nothing he can do whether he knows or not. In fact, telling him the bad news before he goes could potentially make things harder for all involved. In my opinion, you need to focus your energy on getting better, and you can do a lot toward that goal in two weeks of treatment. As you note, your son is a happy boy who’s looking forward to having fun at camp. I’d let him have that experience, and you and your husband can support him with your news upon his return. If your son becomes upset with you as your husband is predicting, you should let him know how treatable stage 1 cancer is and that you didn’t want to worry him about something that you and your husband and doctor had under control. You could even add that you certainly would’ve told him sooner if it were more serious. Sometimes as parents exercising tact and timing with bad news and our children is better than full disclosure all at once.

Dr. Mike,

We are only a few days into Summer vacation and all our two boys want to do is watch TV and play video games. It was much easier balancing screen time when they were in school because they were active and busy during the day. My husband and I both work, and we can’t really monitor them the way we’d like. As teenagers, they feel that we should just leave them alone and that we are just “nagging” them. Any advice would be appreciated.

G and R in Loudoun County

G and R,

Television and video games are not all bad, but like most things in life, the excessive amount is really the issue. It seems like the lack of a game plan for how your boys will spend their time over the Summer is really the issue. They may be watching TV and gaming as much as they are out of boredom. I think the first thing you should do is sit down with your boys to discuss realistic educational, social and physical goals. Expecting them to read, spend time with friends outside of the home or play a sport shouldn’t be too much to ask of them over the Summer break. Hey, maybe they could even do some chores or get some Summer jobs! To break the habit of too much screen time you should also lead by example and think about how you may have contributed to their bad habit in the first place. How many TV sets do you have in the house? Is TV on during meals? Is TV or gaming part of the background noise of your family life? Do you demonstrate by your own viewing that television should be watched in moderation? Perhaps you might want to make some changes here. In the end, if all else fails, there are now programs available for parents who wish to manage their child or teen’s screen activity. A good site to visit to learn more about these programs is: GetParentalControls.org.

Dr. Mike,

My neighbor recently added front fencing to connect to my fence and the fence of his neighbor on the opposite side of his home. My neighbor now has a fully fenced in yard by capitalizing on the fences of his two side neighbors, as well as the neighbor who’s home backs-up to his. Needless to say, my husband and I spent a lot of money for our fence, and we are very upset by what has happened. We haven’t spoken to anyone about this, but we feel strongly that what has happened is unfair. My husband thinks we should rally our neighbors for a confrontation. What do you think?

K in Loudoun County

K,

There’s an old saying that one’s perception is one’s reality. So, while you may feel taken advantage of by your neighbor, your neighbor likely feels that he was wise in his actions. Sure, you could confront your neighbor directly. I suppose you could ask your neighbor to pay you something for benefiting from the use of your fence, but it just seems that you missed your window and should have asked him about it at the time of installing your fence. Keep in mind that anything you do here will likely have a lasting impact on everyone involved since you’re neighbors and may be for many years to come. The best advice I could give you would be to let it go and to move on. In the end, I think your relationship with your neighbor is more important than being right, and I just don’t see how your neighbor did anything wrong.

Dr. Michael Oberschneider “Dr. Mike” is the Founder and Director of Ashburn Psychological Services (APS), a private mental health clinic comprised of 12 MD and PhD level mental health clinicians. He and his team are here to serve our Loudoun children, teens and adults. To learn more about Dr. Mike and the APS team, visit: www.ashburnpsych.com or 703-723-2999.

Comment on this article


By commenting, you agree to abide by our Terms of Service.


 

 

 

 

Columns

Pie in the Face (with remarks from Ron Paul)

noerpel_new

“In any field, the establishment is seldom in pursuit of the truth because it is composed of those who sincerely believe that they are already in possession of it.” E. T. Jaynes. Everybody prefaces Bernie Sanders name with “pie in …

Asterisk No More

moore-sobelnewmug

By Samuel Moore-Sobel “Moods come and go, but greatness endures.” These prescient words were uttered by President George H.W. Bush, a man who knows firsthand the truth of his own saying. In 1992, President Bush garnered only 37 percent of …

Second Bull Run

Bull Run Creek

It may not have been a battle, but – seeing as how it was my second attempt at getting a good look at Bull Run Creek – coupled with the fact that I’m a native Northerner – I felt a …

Snowmageddon III?  Seven Survival Tips for Parents

Michael_Pic

By Michael Oberschneider, Psy.D. “snOMG,” “snowmageddon,” “snowpocalypse,” and “kaisersnoze” are a few terms to describe what just happened in Northern Virginia. The storm was reported to be the second worst storm on record. And while many children and teens gladly …

What Is a Sport?

Lunde new

By Mary Rose Lunde On January 10, hundreds of talented dancers from across the East Coast competed at the Universal Dance Academy Regional Championship at West Springfield High School. Tensions were high and the stakes couldn’t have been greater. What …

Six Things to Know to Weather a Market Downturn

Smith0035

It’s natural to be nervous when the markets head for negative territory. Keep a positive perspective with these six investing reminders. It can be very unsettling for investors when their portfolios and the markets start heading for the red and …

Editorial

Grief and Greed

blueridge2

By Matthew Parse What would drive a single individual to cause so much emotional stress and financial burden on hundreds, if not, thousands of families? What would drive the Town …

Op-ed

Oh No, It’s the Christians!

blueridge2

By Nicholas Reid In the hours and days following every massacre perpetrated by radical Muslims, there is one unifying theme across most news coverage of the massacre, wherever it may …

Dear Editor

Job Well Done!

town of purcellville sign

Kudos to Town Manager Rob Lohr and his awesome hard working staff. You did a fantastic job of snow removal throughout the Town of Purcellville this past week. Mr. Lohr …

View From the Ridge

An Open Letter to the Citizens of Purcellville

blueridge2

Mark Your Calendar, They’ve Asked for Our Input So Let’s Give It To Them By Steady and Nobull The Purcellville Planning Commission has tentatively scheduled a series of public input …

Student News

Four Scouts Achieve Eagle Scout Rank

3 Feb 2016

eaglescout

Joel Gicker, Kyle Siecker, Sam Soltis and David Watson achieved the rank of Eagle Scout at a Court of Honor conducted at Blue Ridge Bible Church in Purcellville on January 9. The four Eagles are members of Troop 711 of …

(Be the first to comment)

8th Grade Writers Honored At Blue Ridge Middle School

2 Jul 2015

blueridgemiddleschool

Sixty-seven Blue Ridge Middle School eighth graders have been honored for their writing during the 2014-2015 school year. Many students had their writing selected for publication by Creative Communication, a program for student writers, while others won county-wide writing contests. …

(Be the first to comment)

Ben Kellogg Achieves Eagle Scout

1 Jul 2015

benkellog

Benjamin Robert Kellogg achieved the rank of Eagle Scout at a Court of Honor conducted at St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church in Purcellville on March 29. Friends, family and troop leaders attended the celebration, including his parents, Robert and Deirdre Kellogg. …

(Be the first to comment)

Calendar

February 2016
M T W T F S S
1 2 3

Loudoun Valley Boys Basketball Spirit Night at Coach's Corner

4

Music Together Classes - Winter Session

5

Loudoun Centre Theater: HAIRSPRAY

6

Loudoun Centre Theater: HAIRSPRAY

Notaviva Vineyards - Bluegrass Jam - FREE event

Loudoun Centre Theater: HAIRSPRAY

7

5K Race to Benefit Riverside High School Athletic Department

8 9 10 11

Music Together Classes - Winter Session

12

Notaviva Vineyards presents 5th annual "My Funny Valentine" comedy show feat. Jason Weems!

Loudoun Centre Theater: HAIRSPRAY

13

Notaviva Vineyards presents 5th annual "My Funny Valentine" comedy show feat. Jason Weems!

Chocolate & Cabernet

Sweetheart's Soirée at Breaux Vineyards

Loudoun Centre Theater: HAIRSPRAY

14

Notaviva Vineyards presents 5th annual "My Funny Valentine" comedy show feat. Jason Weems!

Celebrate Valentine's Day at North Gate Vineyard

Gallery Coffeehouse: READERS THEATRE "LOVE LETTERS" BY A. R. GURNEY

15 16 17

Mad Cap Puppets: UNDER THE BONSAI TREE

18 19

LAST HAM STANDING COMEDY IMPROV

20

CHINESE NEW YEAR EVENT: Year Of The Monkey

21

Loudoun Symphony presents A LITTLE CHAMBER MUSIC

Gallery Coffeehouse: THE COMEDY CULT IMPROV

Gallery Coffeehouse: THE COMEDY CULT IMPROV

22 23 24 25 26

Breaux Vineyards February Fourth Friday

27

THE EDGE: Malone Benefit Concert

28

Loudoun School of Ballet Winter Showcase

Our Love is Here to Stay

29 1 2 3 4

VSA of Loudoun Spring Musical: SPECTRUM’S JOURNEY

5

Merlot Vertical Tasting

Notaviva Vineyards - Bluegrass Jam - FREE event

VSA of Loudoun Spring Musical: SPECTRUM’S JOURNEY

North Gate Vineyard Wine Dinner with Chef Sebastian Oveysi

6

VSA of Loudoun Spring Musical: SPECTRUM’S JOURNEY

GALLERY COFFEEHOUSE: Readers Theatre, 100 Lunches" by Jack Sharkey & Leo Sears

Current Print Issue:
Sign up for our email newsletter:

Recent Comments

  • Will Skowronski on Second Bull Run: I always enjoy Tim Jon's columns about the back roads of Loudoun County. Mr Jon's writing evokes the fun...
  • Pamela Baldwin on An Interview with Ron Meyer, Broad Run Supervisor: And what happens, exactly, when the Greenway goes bankrupt as a result of this new alternative road? And what...
  • Tony Noerpel on The Trump Effect: Hi Rosalinda What? :+) Tony
  • Tony Noerpel on The Trump Effect: Hi Paul Don't disagree. I'd be pleased to buy you a beer sometime. I don't like Clinton as I've...
  • MJ Justus on Police Investigating Student Death: I am so sorry. May this young person find peace, and may all those affected be comforted from above.

Lifestyle

Creation and Evolution in Native American Spirituality

9 Feb 2016

turtle_swartz

In celebration of Evolution Weekend, an annual event led by clergy to encourage serious discussion and reflection on the relationship between religion and science, St. James United Church of Christ in Lovettsville has invited Roger and Deborah “Turtle” Swartz to guide a discussion of traditional Native American Spirituality and its wisdom in celebrating human relationship to the earth. In a …

(Be the first to comment)

Run and Walk To Your Nearest 5K Pregame Event Happening on Super Bowl Day In Leesburg

3 Feb 2016

runandwalk

There is a new Running Company, the Pace Makers Running Company, in town and they are on a mission to help the local population with their health goals while raising money for selected charities. The race at The National Conference Center in Leesburg on February 7, is to help benefit the Riverside High School Athletic Department. The upcoming race on …

(Be the first to comment)

Lovin’ Leesburg for All Its Beauty

3 Feb 2016

lovinleesburgrealestate1

By Hannah Hager We may be in the thick of winter, but this home on Cherry Spring Lane will melt your heart. Come spring you’ll fully be able to enjoy this simple, yet elegant brick home and its surrounding green pastures enclosed by miles of black wooden fences. Beyond your immediate yard are sweeping views of the mountains and valleys …

(Be the first to comment)

Around Virginia

Education Savings Accounts Make Big Move in House

Dave_larock

The Virginia House of Delegates gave a strong push to House Bill 389, Delegate Dave LaRock’s (R-33rd District) innovative Education Savings Account legislation, as the House Education Committee voted 13-9 in favor of advancing the bill forward. “This is definitely an exciting development for parents and students in the Commonwealth,” …

(Be the first to comment)

Kaine to Hold Hearing on Opioid Abuse

Kaine

On Monday, February 1, U.S. Senator Tim Kaine, a member of the Senate Special Committee on Aging, will hold a field hearing in Loudoun County to examine the ongoing fight against opioid misuse and abuse among older Americans. Kaine has met with families, law enforcement and business leaders across Virginia …

(Be the first to comment)

Youth Can Apply for 2015 Livestock Exhibitor Scholarships

Virginia_seal

Youth who exhibited beef cattle, sheep, meat goats or swine in the 2015 State Fair of Virginia 4-H and FFA youth livestock program are eligible to apply for 12 new scholarships being offered by the State Fair of Virginia. Scholarships will be offered in three age groups: Juniors (9-12), Intermediate …

(Be the first to comment)

Sports

Western Loudon Volleyball Club “Hitmen” Team Finishes Second

3 Feb 2016

westernloudounvolleyballclub

The Western Loudon Volleyball Club U14 boys team, called the “Hitmen,” finished second in a tournament held January 17. This is the first ever boys team for the WLVBC (and only the second boys club in the area). Coach Allan Kotmel led the seven-member team. WLVBC started eight years ago, …

(Be the first to comment)

ODFC West Travel Soccer Program Shines

2 Dec 2015

ODFCsoccerpics

The Old Dominion Football Club West boys and girls middle school travel soccer program scored big the weekend of November 21 and 22.  The girls Quest Premier 22 team took home the championship in the U12 Girls Premier Division of the Hunt Country Classic located in Fauquier County. The boys …

(Be the first to comment)

Archives

  • +2016
  • +2015
  • +2014
  • +2013
  • +2012
  • +2011
  • +2010
  • +2009